The fear to freedom in Delhi

Is this a letter, an article or a dip into the feeling of my heart? I dont know and i cant say for sure. I know i would share this for sure, so lets call it a letter.

Just after my college I was lucky enough to be placed in L&T, the company will always have a special place in my heart and I will always get to enjoy the pride of being an L&Tite. Just like how my mother had given me a life to live and lead, L&T has given me a career to work on. It was 3rd july, I joined L&T in Chennai, Later posted to Faridabad, Delhi NCR EDRC design centre. I was very happy and curious to know the nature of my work.I was a rather shy guy, infact i still am. But thats untill i know you for some time. I am an introvert, I keep my circle small and things to myself, thanks to my experiences in College. there were not many guys whom i used to trust.

I was alone in Chennai, I knew Hindi well enough to roam north but Tamil was alien to me. I remember writing the joining story but never published it, and now i forgot where i wrote it. i was too shy to talk to people, tol shy to even say hi and hello. I saw other joinees were mingling with each other at the Novotel hotel where we stayed for a brief period of time.

I met my friend Ajay there, it was rather a funny incident. I was too afraid to be left off and asked him to call me too, when the bus leaves, he still remembers my innocent face and the way i asked. "who recruited kids" he thought to himself. not his mistake, i was like that then, thanks to my broken self esteem whatsoever be the reason. Later I went to some training where i made some more people but just like my old friends, they too were hurting, i was on the verge of loosing faith in good friends, until one day finally all the temporary people having vacated from my life, I started opening myself to new ones and some permanent ones.

I became close with Ajay, Prashant, Vinay, Rohit and Monark, they became close to me in my four years of stay in Delhi. I developed love for bikes, we went on many bike trips and I started to sing, which I do only when I am happy on the Inside. i went on many adventurous bike rides with them and enjoyed my fullest. The office was hectic but entertaining at the same time. The politics were engaging, The back bitching was fun and the memories of me going into rage are funnier. These new memories filled a new hope in me. If not for them, I would have been a different person all together.

Like I would not have taken a bold step to shift to Bangalore. I would not stop living in past, holding on to metaphysical feelings.

I tried new things and it was good for me. At last I became happy and thats what matters the most.

We went to many tours and trips and developed a liking for travelling and exploring. I have always been a traveller my whole life, i just got to know that I am when i am with them.

I can not pinpoint why and when I started liking my friends, but when I feel I miss them, I know how good of friends i have and how much they have touched my life.

I was in a sinking ship and the SOS call was not reching my ears, I was adamant not to vacate taking pride on being captain of my sinking ship, I never called them, but they rescued me and showed me there is still a candle of hope burning in the stormy winds, there is still another day to live and lead.

I often ponder on whys' and whens' of my affection but the best part is, had there been one, my friendship wouldn't be so special.

Miss you guys

Hope to meet you once again.

P.Suneel